Bare Your Sole Run

Thank you, to everyone who made this possible today!!!


Bare Your Soles Run

We raised 72 pairs of shoes! I am so, so proud of everyone and feel so honored to be part of a group that cares so much and will do so much to give back to others. Share the love. Serve your community! 

Holy SHI*

Yes, that four-letter word has been giving me grief lately. SHIN... Well  lets just make that plural, shall we? My shins have been aching and giving me grief for about two months now. That's about when my weekly mileage was upwards of 15/week. Then, I did 13.5 in two days as part of my Running binge and nothing has been the same since. My weekly mileage has been maybe 3, maybe. I did 2.4 the other day and actually felt great during the run and yesterday was feeling fine. Today, the pain is back. It's hard to sit by, legs twitching for a chance to pound and glide, moments of solitude and, yes, I'll say it, peace. The last two weeks while I've been resting I've actually been more tired, more grouchy, more anxious. My body wants to be free, my mind wants a chance to linger. Yet, these darn SHI*s are halting those longings, making them even more desirable.

I jealously stare at runners while I'm driving to do my errands.

I covet the mileage of my fellow Sole Sisters.

I feel pangs of  envy when I see photos of others enjoying runs, finishing races, smiling and sweaty.

I miss it! I feel crazy for even saying that, it's just running.... Oh, but it is so much more to me now! A trip to the ole Doctor just might be in store. I have avoided it long enough, I think.

How do you deal with running injuries? Give me some hope!

Gratitude

I skipped all forms of working out last week. I had a crazy busy first half of the week and came down with some sort of cough/throat issue at the same time. It is funny how skipping something that you want to do, even when you know it is the right thing to do, can make you feel guilty. However, exhaustion over ruled my feelings of guilt and I napped more last week than I did when my oldest was a newborn.

When Monday rolled around, I felt much better and was no longer having insane coughing fits so I figured I was set to hop back into running. I did 5 s-l-o-w miles on Monday and was sore from my efforts. I stuck to my plan (I am running 3,5,7 miles this week, not in that order though) and did 3 miles at my usual pace (still slow for most though!) on Tuesday. I am super happy to feel back on track!

While it is great to be running after a short break I read something on one of my favorite running blogs that really resonated with me. Janae was reflecting back on this book, Kristin Armstrong’s book ‘Mile Markers’. I love the idea of running while focusing on gratitude. I always think of a friend's young family member with ALS. She was a runner before her symptoms made it impossible to walk much less run. I know most of us have a special someone in our thoughts and prayers to reflect on to remind us to be grateful for the ability and opportunity to run. If you have time, check out Janae's blog and read her thoughts on the topic too. It is a great idea to focus on!

Pumpkin Run

As I have transformed into a runner and "running advocate", what has become exciting for me, is watching my children become excited about running and fitness! They want to run with me and are super stoked when I sign them up for races just for them! One mile seems so huge to them, an enormous goal and challenge to overcome and I am totally inspired by their will and determination to cross the finish line.

My second son asked that I run with him this past weekend for our town's annual Pumpkin Run and what he said to me at the starting line melted me. He looked at me with sweet eyes, grabbed my hand tightly and said "Mom, I"m a little scared, but I"m going to run anyways." Ah, bless you, my child.

My oldest ran his little heart out, but he also stopped when a classmate of his became tired and needed  to walked. He walked with her and even encouraged her across the finish line. My second son ran 3/4 of a mile gripping my hand with all of his might. When his sister spotted us, she dashed under the course flags to join us. I let go and told him to run on his own and that kid sprinted the last 1/4 mile while I jogged/ran with my oldest daughter who was so proud!

It was a fantastic run and such a fun experience for all of us! I'm so proud of them! I made my boys pumpkin medals when we got home and they wore them proudly the rest of the day!

First Graders

K anticipates the starting gun

Crossing the finish line

E and I take off

Moments before little sister runs to us

Look at that form!

Running with H

We did it!

Medals for the finishers

You just never know....

I was pretty excited to get outside for my run this morning. The weather was pretty fantastic, cool enough to be comfortable even when running, but NOT windy! The wind can be pretty fearsome out here so any run without fighting it feels like a walk in the park.

For the most part I am a creature of habit. I run the same roads at about the same time and on the same days. Just when it starts to get boring some happy neighbor forgets their dogs outside and I veer off in a different direction and run on the other side of town to avoid becoming a mid morning snack for Fido. Or like today I got to run past a film crew!

Sorry for this picture being blurry, I wanted to capture the line of cars on what is normally a deserted street.

They even brought this huge generator. If you click on this photo you can see the lights and staging better.

The white trailer in this picture had a clothes rack fully loaded down with outfits. I was almost ready to stop and do a little shopping. ;)

In this part of the country, it is not too common to see crews filming in my neighborhood. So, I made sure to take pictures! ;) I am definitely not the best with cameras under good conditions so taking photos with my phone while running (and doing my best not to trip!) was not easy for me. But I hope you get the gist!

Not only did I get to enjoy a fabulous fall morning while completing 4 miles I got to witness a truly unique happening. How was your run today? :)

Binge Running

Yes, that's what I did this past weekend. I flew out to visit my dear friend Rebecca in Vancourver, WA and we binged. We binged on running.

Our mutual friend, Jessy, drove in from Cali and she binged with us. I think by the end of the weekend, we were all hurting.

Here's a rundown of our weekend:

Fly into Portland LATE Friday night. Stay up chit chatting.

Wake up EARLY Saturday morning and head out for the Portland Color Run. Run a 5k, get colorful, jump, dance, sweat, sing and take a gazillion photos.

Our new friend

Clean

Colorful

The must  have action shot

Lunch, relax outside while Rebecca's boys nap, and decide we should run again.

We drive out to Saint Lucia Falls (seriously, I should live here) and run 2 miles on trails... not pretty inner-city trails, but trip over roots and barely muster up rocky hills, trails. We get lost. We get turned around again. We take silly Yoga photos at the falls post-run.

We made it to the falls

Stay up late chit chatting, drinking wine and eating guacamole!

Up early, again... this time for a long run. We planned for 6 but ran a total of 7.3! I was on cloud nine. A personal PR for distance and I was amazed... amazed!!.. at how well we ran together. Steady, perfectly paced, pushing one another... best run I have ever had.

Under the draw bridge that connects WA and OR

That's right! SEVEN miles!

Post-run scenic lookout over the Columbia River

After showers, we snag lunch in the car and head to Multnomah Falls where we hike 1/2 mile up steady inclines, a crazy small bridge and plenty of switchbacks... so worth it for the gorgeous view.

It was amazing to see how the three of us could come together after 18 months apart and have our paces match up... not just in running, but in life. I  have admired these ladies for their abilities to mother (and mother so well!) and run, to boot. I never, ever  thought I'd be a runner, let alone on several runs with them! I continue to be amazed by their awesomeness, and just wish I could have shared a plate of pancakes with their cute faces. Love ya, my West Coast Sole Sisters!

Now, I think it's time for a running detox... my shins will thank me in a week or so!

Once a week...and proud of it!

I have gotten in this bad habit of running only once a week.  It's not something I'm particularly proud of, as I have still been eating like I'm running 2 or 3 times a week.  Part of the time it has been due to other obligations.  Part of the time it's due to a child who refuses to go to sleep.  And the rest of the time it's because I'm more comfortable sitting on the couch reading a book.

I fully intended to go for a run this weekend.  We went to visit my in-laws and Grandma has this (wonderful!) way of adding 10 lbs to my frame every visit.  My thought was that I would bring my running gear and counteract the extra dessert she lovingly encourages me to spoon into my bowl!  Of course it didn't happen.  I took a nap instead.

Tonight, when we got home and the kids were refusing sleep and I was losing my everloving mind, my fantastic husband stopped working, came up behind me and said gently, "go for a run."

So I did.

And I'm very proud to say that I ran the whole two miles and it felt good.

I was tempted to stop about halfway when I could see my uphill climb coming up in the distance, but then I passed my Sole Sister Meghan's house.  And I remembered her post from last week about owning it.  It didn't matter if I walked for a while, because that was ok.  But what also didn't matter was that I could run slowly and that's ok!  If that's what my body needs to do to keep going, then so be it.  I'm no less of a runner.  I'm shouldn't look down on myself if I need to slow down to keep going.

I finished my 2 miles at an 11:45 min/mi pace.  But I finished it running.

And I couldn't be more proud of myself.

Reflection

My granddaddy died yesterday. He was 91. His life was full and long and in the end, he met his LORD peacefully. I spent much of yesterday so stressed and anxious and worried... Emotions rolling through me like massive waves, trying to keep it all together, trying to determine how I could get down to south Texas with my 4 young kids for the funeral. In the end, it was decided that it wouldn't be realistic to make the trip. Emotionally, yes, I want to be with my family during this time, yet reality was, it was going to be insane. My Great Aunt even assured me that Grandaddy would be "yelling at you from Heaven" if I attempted the drive solo. Still, I was conflicted. I felt responsibility to be there, to hug my Nanny, to reflect on his life.

Desperately, I grabbed my shoes and went for a run. At least maybe the pounding of my footsteps would help me forget the pounding in my head.

I met with two Sole Sisters, and through our 3 mile journey, they helped me find the peace my soul desired. I silently review sweet memories I had of him as I was a child and more recent memories of him with my children. Eating watermelon, riding in the back of his truck to the lake and later, when he was much too frail to walk far, riding on his Gator to the mailbox at their lake house.

Today, during my run, the words of the Apostle Paul continuously came to the front of my mind, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us" (Hebrews 12:1)

Grandaddy ran his race for 91 glorious years. I believe in the last few weeks he spotted his finish line. He made his peace, he was ready to for his running days to be over and he triumphantly crossed that line with crowds cheering him on both sides. We celebrate his perseverance, his life on this side, and Heaven welcomed him with open arms on the other.

Running yesterday and today helped me reflect on his life, what he meant to me and my children and find peace in being unable to tell him good-bye at this time. I am looking forward to a quiet moment when I can take my children to his grave and whisper our memories to the breeze, cast our love out to those living with his memory and reflect on his impact in our lives and the lives of all who knew him.

In honor of you

At first look, we would be considered unlikely friends. She, a conservative Mormon, me, a Christian who swings more to the Left. Yet, as mothers we quickly bonded over parenting our sweet boys (we each only had 2 kids at the time!) Turns out, we were neighbors, too, who attended play dates, walked to the park and learned valuable parenting tips from one another. Often, we would watch the other's boys so that the weary mom in us could snag a break, or take one of our kids to the emergency room. She started training for a Marathon and, honestly, I thought she was out of her gourd. Run? 26 miles? Crazy. I didn't think it was physically possible, let alone mentally, emotionally, and how could she even manage as a wife and mother. I was in awe. 

Now that I'm a runner, I am even more in awe of her determination and dedication. How she sacrificed in order to conquer such an enormous challenge and still be an amazing mom- wow. 

Carrie moved away several years ago, but I think of her often. She has always been the perfect image of strength and perseverance. 

Yesterday, Carrie had a brain tumor removed. Today, she was walking the halls of the hospital. Again, I am amazed. In awe. 

This week, the Sole Sisters have been wearing bandanas as we run not only for Carrie, but all of those who have cancer, tumors or those who have overcome such battles. We run and we remember. 

Running: Love it or Hate it?

I can only speak for myself, but I have been running for a lot longer than I have enjoyed running. Does that even make sense? I started running as a challenge. I am challenged frequently as a stay at home mom, but I wanted a challenge that felt like I was accomplishing something for which I could clearly take credit. Look, see that mile, I ran it!

In the beginning, I would slowly do my warm up walk, dreading when it was time for the running to start. I would try to get my runs over as early as possible in the day so I would not have a tight feeling in my stomach when I thought about still having to run. Yet this morning when I went out for my tempo run I didn't give it a thought, I just did it.

When I was training for my 10K and hit the first 5 miler, I talked myself into putting it off for one day. That Friday was much too hot and Saturday's forecast was nice and cool. It made perfect sense, I even had more time on Saturday too. All Friday night I dreamt that I was running the 5 miles. I tossed and turned and all I could think about was how I had to get up and run 5 long miles. So on Saturday, I got up and ran my 5 miles. I ran those 5 miles in the rain, with the local high school cross country team running 1 mile sprints back and forth on my route. Lesson learned!

Somewhere during that 5 mile run, I figured out that I could do this running thing. If I could run in the rain and smile at all the teenagers flying past me and still just put one leg in front of another, then I could do it. I don't know why I doubted myself, but I think we all have distances or paces that feel intimidating to us.

I am sure I will have plenty of times when I am intimidated by a distance or pace my training plan dictates. It may take me a couple of tries to conquer a tough training week or route, but I know it can be done. I may truly enjoy running now but it will always be a challenge for me. I hope you all find a little more love in your runs this week!

Sole Sisters Mustache Run

Angela explaining the aerodynamics of mustaches

Workin' It

The whole gang- Mario, Luigi, Don Juan, Tom Selleck, Burt Reynolds,Gene Shallit, Larry Bird and Ron Burgendy

Bridget in the lead, Meghan flashing gang signs

Angela still rockin' the stache

Running with Purpose

Originally, I started running because I knew it would be good for me, right? I had a goal in mind- complete a 5k by the end of the summer. It was doable. I was capable. Having a goal kept me motivated in the beginning.

But, as the miles began to add up and my shoe of choice was more often my Brooks than my well worn Chacos, I started to realize that I had found not just a goal to keep me going, but a prupose.

You see, as much as I may not like to admit it, running has become vital to my mental health. I have four children. Four kids born in five years. My life is wonderfully, fantastically, beautifully crazy. I started off with my headphones in just to tune out the noise. I told my husband i ran because for at least half the distance, I was running AWAY from home. The good news? I always turned and came back!

Running has provided me that happy place. Solace. Peace. Solitude.

I am a better mother and wife because I have found this "thing" that can help me to keep on keepin' on! It's obvious that taking advantage of the runner's high has a number of mental health benefits. People who experience this euphoric feeling while running report being totally relaxed, happy, energetic, and satisfied with themselves. Running also releases serotonin, which is a natural mood lifter.

I have also noted that running is extremely difficult for me. Each run involves some pain, some challenge, some mental struggle- to quit or not to quit? Each run, no matter how far, how fast or how slow... I usually want to stop about 2 minutes into it. BUT running has become the easiest part of my day. 

I'm not complaining about this life I have, but carting four kiddos to and fro, cooking meals, making sure the livingroom has at least a clear path to the bathroom and we have at least some paper plates to use wen the dishes get too crazy... it adds up! So for me to know that I have mastered a challenging run that morning gives me the strength, energy and courage to face whatever the kiddos may toss my way.

You may have many goals for your training, and for life in general, but what is your purpose?

A great resource to explore further can be found here at Active.com

Lacing Your Shoes

My feet have changed a bit since having babies, along with other things, but my old comfy shoes just didn't seem to fit right and were no longer so comfy. I figured it was just time to get a new pair and headed out for some cross-trainers a while back. After trying on several pairs, I finally settled on one and had to order them since all they had left in my size was the display. I have had a love/hate relationship with them since. If I get the toe part tight enough so my foot stays put, the top is too tight. So, I loosen the top and it works itself loose again at the bottom and my foot is moving too much in the shoe. I remembered doing "fancy" laces in elementary school and wondered if there was a way to lace them differently for running. Remember, I'm just getting into this whole things as running for a purpose and not because I'm being chased or playing with the kids, so I had no clue about all the different information out there. I actually came across a couple different sites that have information on this! If you are like me, these will help you figure out a way to lace your shoes to keep your feet from sliding around. I now can do cross-training videos and not have aching feet and legs!

How to Properly Tie Your Shoes - Runner's World

katieRUNSthis

A New Plan

Last Monday night I definitely was not looking forward to my run Tuesday morning and had two excuses lingering in my brain. I planned to skip a week and do Week 3 Day 1 for C25K and I was up late Monday night. I was in that state of sleep where you're semi-aware of what's going on but not quite fully conscious when I heard our daughter wake up, jump out of bed, and climb in on top of me. Yep, another bad dream. Somewhere along the way she learned that monsters can be scary and mean, and that darn black moose keeps roaring at her. She is a snuggler and I know once she settles her body down and is as close to crawling back inside me as she can, there's no moving her back to her bed - she is truly scared. I will not trade the loss of sleep for these few times because I know they won't last. So when the alarm went off, interrupting a wakeful sleep, I thought I hit snooze. Not so much. We all woke up about 30 minutes before we needed to leave for preschool, which is doable but I feared how it would influence dropping her off. I got a quick breakfast for the two littles and really wanted to put on my regular clothes for the day. My husband had already dressed for a run since he was home and I knew it was mostly to motivate and support me. Plus, this is a great opportunity for our son to practice his bike skills sans training wheels and ride on the trails. So I put on my running clothes, got everyone and a bike loaded up and left.

After preschool drop off, we headed for a trail deciding our first goal is to go a different route each time. I also decided to skip the podcast for W3D1 and just run. Find a rhythm and go. We ended up running/walking/biking about 2.5 miles and only had two bike incidents! I realized after I got to my turn around destination that I hadn't quite thought that route through before setting out and I don't use any GPS tracking things (we're pretty low-tech here). It was a little farther than I intended to go and by no means did I run the entire way. I did run longer intervals than last week just listening to music and once my lungs finally found their rhythm about 2/3 of the way back, my legs deiced they were done and I had to walk a bit more than I wanted. But we did it! And although the runner's high has faded and the fatigue and soreness are setting in, I'm glad we did it.

Weary

Most Moms I know are tired. Their plates are full with jobs, chores, children, meals to make, floors to clean (again), nursing babies, shopping, car pooling... The list is literally endless. We are, by the true definition of the word, weary.

Weary: 1. Physically or Mentally exhausted by hard work, exertion, Strain, etc.; fatigued, tired 2. Impatient or dissatisfied with something

As Moms, we are pulled in zillions of directions, often physically AND mentally exhausted and, in the moment, can be dissatisfied by the state of our minds, bodies, houses, children's attitudes... WEARY.

Lately, I have been weary, too. I haven't wanted to even put a clean shirt on, let alone lace up my sneaks and pound the pavement- where would the energy even come from?

I love the verse from Isaiah: run and not grow weary, walk and not faint

It is often my mantra as I'm out on the road forcing myself forward. I thought of these words the other day as I debated whether actually doing my long run for the week. It would be my longest run to date, beating my previous long run record by 1.5 miles. I was too tired. I had a headache. My period had just started. I was feeling a bit more than weary, I was on a hormonal crash course.

But, just as the Bible promises we are renewed in Jesus, I grabbed my mp3 player, blasted some awesome tunes and found that as I ran, I too was renewed. I had a goal, I had something to accomplish and it was only for me- no one else in the entire world was facing that exact route, that exact mileage as I was. I ran, and I was not weary... in fact, I even walked some, and I did not faint. 

I'm still tired today, and I'll likely start making some excuses here soon to try and avoid my tempo run this evening, but I know once I get out there, even if the time is brief, that run is mine. It belongs to me. My muscles may get sore, my lungs may burn, but my heart will not be weary, because I made the time to run, just for me. 

Past the slump

It had been quite a while since I ran more than 2 miles. 2.4 last month, and I walked a third of that too. 2.2 was the last distance I ran without any stopping, and that was 3 weeks ago. Yep. I was in a slump. An I-can't-go-any-farther-2-mile-slump. My goal since April has been to work my way to running 3 miles about 3 times a week. So why couldn't I get myself to go any farther? I needed help. So I turned to, you guessed it, my fellow Sole Sisters!

They had all sorts of great suggestions! More cross-training. Changing my route so I don't mentally quit when I hit familiar landmarks. Run with friends. Cheer myself on. Throw in some sprints for fun. Plus lots of encouragement that it's not just me, it's just hard to increase your mileage!

So tonight, I mapped a new 2.5 mile route (using mapmyrun.com!), met up with 2 Sole Sisters, and ran more than 2 miles! Grand total? 2.61 miles, at a slow but satisfying 12:47 minute/mile pace! We stopped briefly at the water fountain at our turn-around point, and the ladies helped me through my usual my-shoes-are-filled-with-concrete moment from about mile 1.5-1.8, and we did it! So much fun to run with good friends and smash through imagined barriers!

Here we are after our run! What a great night!

Another Fuel Up With Color Story

This past Saturday, I also participated in the Fuel Up With Color kids 1 mile fun run with my little boy. Ever since I started this journey back into running in April 2012, and especially since my first race in June, he has wanted to "race with mommy." So on September 8th, he finally got his chance! I didn't know what to expect from him, but I was determined not to carry him at all. We walk around the neighborhood quite a bit, so I knew he could handle that much at least. Well, he surprised me! We ran the whole first quarter mile up to the first physical challenge station (weaving through cones)! After that, we walked and ran the next half mile and decided that we would run the whole way left when he could see the finish line. He saw it before I did, and he took off! We ran through the final station (sprayed with water guns!), past Grandma R, Grandpa A, and Daddy, and zoomed past the finish line to hug Grandma D and little sister! He loved it!

After the race, we asked him what his favorite parts were, and he said the water guns and beating me! We finished with a 15:30 pace and enjoyed our post-race snacks. It was a perfect first race for my son's foray into, I hope, a lifetime of physical fitness.

"Ugly" duckling

I began running in March of this year, mostly because it is something I have always wanted to do. I finally decided this would be my year. Having made the decision to end my baby making "career" I am making time (with no excuses!) to focus on myself and my health, wellness, and fitness. It has been incredible so far and though I have much further to go (40 to 50 lbs. to be exact!) I look forward to each and every step on this journey. The teamwork I have found here is priceless. I am thankful every day for each and every one of these ladies. They're my sisters, cheerleaders, inspiration.

You see, I am different from the rest of the girls here. I am a runner, yes- but I am an overweight one. I am not in shape yet, but I am trying. So while I am doing really well for someone of my size, my race times and my mile splits are not at the level of the others here. I have a comfortable 12 minute mile, 11 when I really push myself, and it doesn't bother me much. When I began this journey in March, I was 30 pounds heavier than I am today. My one running goal for 2012 was to run a solid 5K. Crushed it! And the other morning, I came within .7 of a mile of running a 10K. I am so, so, so proud of myself. I am not focusing on time any more, I am now focusing on endurance and working on a faster mile.

I have set a new goal now, to run a half marathon in the next year or two. I know I can do it, just as I know I can lose the rest of the weight I've set out to lose. I feel like I am on FIRE and this year I have learned that I can do anything that I set my mind to. Anything is possible if you believe in yourself and have others who push you to be your best.


So yes, I am the overweight runner here, but it doesn't bother me. I'm writing my own Cinderella story, the "ugly duckling" who WILL become a swan. Watch and see!

How do I get past the insanity?

I need to get back into a routine of running but I'm finding it hard to do so when my children don't cooperate.  Finding a balance between being a full-time mom, a part-time accountant, and my own person has not been easy.  Struggling with a 5 year old who is fed up with Kindergarten and a 2 year old who is asserting her independence in ways I cannot cope with has put stress on me that I haven't found a way to alleviate.

I was hoping getting back into a routine would counter my stress, but it's the "getting back into a routine" that I haven't been able to do.  Part of the problem is that my 2 year old is refusing to go anywhere, get dressed, have her diaper changed, etc.  When I try to force her to go, she screams and cries until she throws up, and by the time I get everyone and everything cleaned up, the last thing I want to do is go anywhere.  I'm scared to take her to the Y because even if we make it there, my assumption is that she will freak out until she vomits and then I'll have to retrieve her and go back home anyway.

I know I could run at night.  I know I should run at night when my husband is home with the kids.  But after a day of fighting, I don't want to do anything.  I feel like the Queen of Excuses when it comes to running these days and I need to get out of my rut.  I tried running at the lake yesterday, but running in sand is really not as fun as it looks in the movies and magazines.

How does one balance being a Mother and Runner?  For me the term Mother Runner seems counter intuitive right now.  What should I do?  What can I do?

I'll go for a run.  Wish me luck...

**EDIT**  1.64 mi at 11:12min/mi pace

Move it or lose it!

I love to run. Yep, I'm one of those weirdos. I don't love being sweaty (and I sweat a LOT!) or tired or sore. But I really, really don't love how I feel when I haven't run.

Growing up, exercise was a part of my daily life. We lived in a college town and my mom didn't drive, so walking or biking was how we got around. No one in my family is what I'd call an athlete, but our leisure time always included golf or Frisbee or swimming or badminton or a family bike ride. In junior high I received the Presidential Fitness Award even though I didn't play team sports like most of my friends. I remember thinking I wouldn't be able to run a 7:30 mile - but I did!

During high school I chose to focus on music and journalism rather than athletics. I sometimes ran in my neighborhood or did exercise videos but I never had a strict workout regimen. In college, I discovered the gym. I had never been overweight or inactive but I was worried about the Freshman 15 and the gym was a great escape from the pressures of school and a difficult roommate situation. Running on the treadmill, listening to tapes on my Walkman (yes, I'm old), I was transported into my own world.

After dropping out of college I stopped exercising regularly for a while, despite the fact that I belonged to a gym. A few years later I separated from my husband and was laid off from my job shortly after that. Suddenly I had all the time in the world to exercise. I couldn't afford a gym membership any longer, but I had a pair of running shoes and a yoga tape. I spent hours each day walking or running the fantastic trails in Lincoln and doing yoga. It was a very difficult time; I was poor and lonely and my future was bleak. As I sank deeper and deeper into a depression, I struggled to lace up those shoes and get out the door, but it was the only thing that made me feel better. Following the jogging trail kept me from going down a much darker path and frankly, it saved my life.

Eventually, I went back to college to finish my degree and rediscovered the campus gym. A friend and I would often meet late at night to run on the treadmills, because it was the only time our schedules coincided. A new workout buddy convinced me to join the YMCA with her because it offered reduced membership rates for struggling students and waitresses like us. After graduation I moved to California and joined a gym near my house, enjoying the opportunity to swim outdoors year-round and hit the great running and biking trails in NorCal. I went to the gym regularly despite a grueling work schedule, and was rewarded with feeling healthy and strong and in the best shape of my life on my wedding day.

When I moved back to Nebraska, one of the first things I did was rejoin the YMCA. I got pregnant not long after moving back but I continued to do cardio and yoga on a regular basis. After having the baby, the last thing I wanted to do was exercise. I was heavier than I'd ever been, but SOOOO tired. Then depression reared its ugly head again and I knew I had to act. Although the YMCA offers childcare, my child wanted nothing to do with it. I forced myself to get up and head to the gym after the 5am feeding a few days a week, and to put the baby in the sling or stroller to walk in the afternoons when the walls started closing in. Many days, I didn't see how I would be able to keep putting one foot in front of the other. But we survived. I lost the baby weight, just in time to get pregnant again. I went to the Y religiously during my second pregnancy (and still regained the 40 lbs I'd just lost!) but I felt healthy and I knew exercise was helping to strengthen me inside and out. My second baby was born just a few hours after I completed a brisk 3-mile walk, and all that exercise allowed me to deliver - and recover - quickly and drug-free.

With two small children, it was a struggle to carve out time to exercise. My second baby didn't like Child Watch any more than my first, so I continued going to the Y early in the morning before my husband went to work. I bought a double jogger and started hitting the trail near my house. I was out there nearly every day, rain or shine, in freezing and sweltering temperatures. I avoided postpartum depression after the second baby, and my bad days were never as bad, despite there being double the amount of crying and diapers.

Now I've lost the baby weight for the last time, but I continue to run. I run because it combines two of my favorite mood-lifters: exercise and the outdoors. I run because it makes me feel strong and proud and capable. I run to maintain my sanity and to keep depression at bay. I prefer to run alone, because it's often the only time during a day when I can be alone and I am an introvert. My husband is a runner but we don't run with each other (he's much too fast, plus someone has to watch the kids!) although he ran an entire 5K by my side last year, sacrificing a better time just to support me. I like feeling connected to others who run, this secret club we carry in our heads and hearts. Maybe I'll develop some of that competitive fire that others seem to have and start signing up for races right and left. But probably not. I'm not running toward anything or away from anything or for a cause. I run just for me. I run to live.