Hello Again

Hello again, I have not blogged for awhile.  Life has been crazy for a few weeks now.  I went to physical therapy and started to get better and run again, pain free!  Just when I could start running again, illness hit our house and hit it hard.  This was my week three weeks ago.  Monday- one daughter has slight cough stay home to be safe.  Wednesday another daughter has a UTI and Friday both daughters have Influenza.  Sunday one daughter gets worse so we run to ER, only to be told she is fine.  She does not have pneumonia, she is not dehydrated and to calm down the flu takes 5 to 7 days to get over.  I disagree so we got back to the doctor on Monday.  While driving to the doctor I am praying, and praying.  My little D ( 4 years old) does not look good, I know something is very wrong.  We see the doctor they take one look at her and one listen to her dehydration and pneumonia!! They say hurry to the hospital we will call ahead.  I am all by myself. Rob is home with the others kids.  I call him.  I get to the hospital the nurses look her over, one nurse informs me they have to call the Rapid response team because of her respiration rate and because she is so lethargic, think little rag doll.  Soon the room is filled with about 10 more people all with gowns and masks and equipment.  They are from the ICU they attach monitors all over  her.  It is hard for me to be close to her with so many people.  I am not totally sure what is going on. One nurse asks me " Mom how are you holding up?' OH man, don't ask me this now.  I am strong, I am fine.  I have to be strong for D.  I squeak out a little "OK" .  One nurse hugs me and says " I am sure she has had better days".  The tears start to silently flow.  Is she going to be OK?  Why did that ER doctor send me home? Then then try the IV.  She is so dehydrated they can not gets it.  One nurse tries, another nurse tries.   They get an anesthesiologist to try, then they get the head anesthesiologist on duty to try.  ALL in ALL it is 12 times!  Three in her left hand, two in her left arm, three in her right arm, two in her left foot and two in her right foot.   She cries and screams with each one.  I pray and pray.  They then decided to stop trying and just try to get her to drink.  We end up staying at the hospital a week.  She goes on Oxygen and gets up to 3.0 Liters and then goes down  and then back up.  They try an IV again a few days later and they get it on the second try and that seems to really help her.  She is home now and doing well and even went back to preschool today.  I know this is not about running, it is  about a hard week in my life that I learned many things.  I learned to trust myself,  I knew she was really sick no matter what the ER said and I took her back and thank God I did, her personal doctor said I could have saved her life.  I am so thankful for my parents and all their help taking care of A and  P while my husband (  when not working) and I stayed at the hospital.  I am so very lucky to have them and it would have been so much harder without their help.  I also have a new focus on my half marathon this year.  I am thankful I did not sign up for the full :)  I originally wanted to have a goal time and really own this one. Monday my official training starts and I am the least  prepared physically to start training that I have ever been.  My shorter runs have been hard, and I feel like I have lost a lot from not running for awhile.  Mentally I got this.  Mentally I am tough.  I know I can do this, I have run Lincoln two times before and I know I can run 13.1 miles. I just made it through a very tough week and we all are doing well now.  I got this.  I think I may actually slow down and enjoy this one.  Wave at more people, give more high fives and maybe even dance to the music.  I will encourage others and just enjoy my running. Life can be hard at times, but that makes me what to enjoy the good times all that much more.

Goal... Interrupted

So I really really wanted to run the Full marathon in May.  It was a Goal.  I was doing so well.  Then I got hurt.  I am really way more hurt than I let on.  I ended up going to the doctor.   I had to find a new doctor just to go to one.  So I had not been to a Family doctor in a few years.  He referred me to Physical Therapy and I started that on Friday.  I told her my goals and that I had hoped to run a Full.  She figured out what was wrong with me and told me she has a plan to get me back running.  I have not even been able to run lately.  She said I can help you but I think if you run the full you will just be right back in here seeing me again after you are done.  The half is a reasonable goal and I can help you with that but the Full is not something I would recommend.  So I was disappointed and started thinking what should I do, should I listen to her, should I still try it?  I then walked out of the room we were in and everyone was talking about Sandy Hook Elementary.  I turned on the radio in my car, I then watched the news on the TV.  I cried and cried.  I hugged my little ones.  I gave Paige the biggest hug when I picked her up from school.


I felt silly for worrying about what race I would run.  The thing is I will be able to run a race again.  I want to be able to run 26 miles for the 26 victims at the school shooting but if I can't do that in May I will still do it.  My dream is not gone, my dream was just interrupted by a injury.  An injury I can work though and overcome.  In light of recent events what race I run on May 5th does not seem all that important.  My family and friends and spending time with them and telling them I love them is what I want to focus on now.  My thoughts and prayers are with all the victims of the Sandy Hook Elementary shooting. 

Thankful for the litte things

I have so very much to be thankful for, really the list is endless, but in the chaos of everyday life the things tend to get over looked. It is sad because the things that I lose sight of are things that would seriously be a great loss to me. This time of year is a great time to slow down and think of how very fortunate I am.

I am tremendously blessed to have a healthy family. I have two healthy and happy little girls. My hubby is in good health and will hopefully stay as healthy as he can too! Our extended family is also doing very well this year and that is truly something to be thankful for this year.

I feel so thankful to have such a supportive family. My hubby not only helps drag the girls to runs/races for me, but he tells me he is proud of me! My sisters have watched my girls so that I/we can run and my family even reads the posts I write. :) Really, I couldn't ask for more!

I am incredibly thankful for a school/teachers that let me be as involved as I wish in my daughters' education. They are at school for so many hours and when I think of it over the course of a school year I feel so sad that I miss so much. Being able to go in, even just weekly, and interact in their school setting makes me feel so much better about their schooling.

I am thankful for my Sole Sisters! They are a great group of women who not only support each other as blood sisters would but they also are always eager to help the community as a whole. It is such a blessing to have these women who started out as my mommy friends become more than just friends. Thank you, Sole Sisters! :)

Reflection

My granddaddy died yesterday. He was 91. His life was full and long and in the end, he met his LORD peacefully. I spent much of yesterday so stressed and anxious and worried... Emotions rolling through me like massive waves, trying to keep it all together, trying to determine how I could get down to south Texas with my 4 young kids for the funeral. In the end, it was decided that it wouldn't be realistic to make the trip. Emotionally, yes, I want to be with my family during this time, yet reality was, it was going to be insane. My Great Aunt even assured me that Grandaddy would be "yelling at you from Heaven" if I attempted the drive solo. Still, I was conflicted. I felt responsibility to be there, to hug my Nanny, to reflect on his life.

Desperately, I grabbed my shoes and went for a run. At least maybe the pounding of my footsteps would help me forget the pounding in my head.

I met with two Sole Sisters, and through our 3 mile journey, they helped me find the peace my soul desired. I silently review sweet memories I had of him as I was a child and more recent memories of him with my children. Eating watermelon, riding in the back of his truck to the lake and later, when he was much too frail to walk far, riding on his Gator to the mailbox at their lake house.

Today, during my run, the words of the Apostle Paul continuously came to the front of my mind, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us" (Hebrews 12:1)

Grandaddy ran his race for 91 glorious years. I believe in the last few weeks he spotted his finish line. He made his peace, he was ready to for his running days to be over and he triumphantly crossed that line with crowds cheering him on both sides. We celebrate his perseverance, his life on this side, and Heaven welcomed him with open arms on the other.

Running yesterday and today helped me reflect on his life, what he meant to me and my children and find peace in being unable to tell him good-bye at this time. I am looking forward to a quiet moment when I can take my children to his grave and whisper our memories to the breeze, cast our love out to those living with his memory and reflect on his impact in our lives and the lives of all who knew him.